Some days go much better than expected. Some days (or weeks, or…) feel like a struggle. Some days start full of promise and end with nothing to show for all of the positive intention and careful planning. Sometimes we feel that we are on the right path. And then it seems to fall apart. When this happens, we give ourselves a hard time and promise to do better next time. This is the cycle.
You are not making this up. The thoughts and the sensations that give meaning to things and tell you what to do and what not to do – you are not making them up. It is real that your brain is always (or at least very often) telling you something.
It is also real that we have choices about what we do with those thoughts and sensations. This may be the most important choice that we have – and most of us are never taught the skills we need to make this choice. I certainly wasn’t.
One of the most incredible abilities of human beings is that we can be aware of the things our brains are telling us. More incredibly, we have the freedom to take action or refrain from taking action even if our thoughts and sensations are telling us the opposite.
As far as we know, this freedom is extremely rare in the animal kingdom. Most animal nervous systems have a direct connection between sensations and behavior with no apparatus for choice in between.
The human nervous system gives us the miraculous ability to notice what we are thinking and feeling – pleasant or unpleasant – and to then to take action (or not) based on the values, goals, commitments, and relationships that matter most to us.
Here is what I know from my own experience. When I am not paying attention, I am left at the mercy of my conditioning. I am left only with the behaviors that are associated with what I am thinking and feeling. And I have some conditioning that is not helpful at all. Without awareness, I can do things that are not useful and avoid doing things that would make a positive difference – all based on what my nervous system tells me.
For example, I love meeting new people and finding out what is important to them. However, I often find myself feeling anxious in social situations. If I go solely with how I am feeling, then I miss out on experiences that I find meaningful and rewarding. Being aware of how I am feeling and of the choices available to me has been the greatest benefit of my mindfulness practice.
I don’t have a meditation practice because it is fun. I do not practice awareness because it is relaxing (it often is not!) or because it makes me smarter or more efficient (I have no evidence for either). I practice paying attention because it builds my skill in exercising the choices that I have.
If we are not paying attention, we can get trapped in limiting stories about what we are capable of. We can get caught in an endless internal debate about our plans rather than simply taking action and seeing what happens. We can get seduced by a feeling that we “have to” or that we “can’t” do something — a feeling that can keep us from experimenting with alternatives.
Meaning and freedom come from the choices we make about what we do and don’t do, not from how we feel. We have been given the incredible gifts of awareness and choice. Strengthening these abilities takes practice. Mindfulness — the practice of paying attention on purpose — is the foundation. This is why I practice.
My goal is to help people create peaceful and powerful relationships with life. I offer individual coaching as well as keynote speaking, in-services, retreats, seminars, and ongoing consultation for teams and organizations. You can reach me at dave@appliedattention.com